


Bob Duncan/Jeffery Ep.

by Collector_of_furby_pelts



Category: Good Luck Charlie
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Cursed, Gay, M/M, Satire, bob duncan - Freeform, jeffery - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:01:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28130577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Collector_of_furby_pelts/pseuds/Collector_of_furby_pelts
Summary: hi so me and a few friends decided to make it and at first it was crack but then i took it really seriously
Relationships: Bob Duncan/Jeffery Epstein





	Bob Duncan/Jeffery Ep.

B Dunc was a sad, boring little man. Disappointed with his life, his choices, and developing seasonal depression. Not only a terrible husband, but a terrible father. He desperately wanted to be a successful businessman, as he ran an extermination company. But when he went to his 9-5 everyday, he lost brain cells from the chemicals. Indeed, Bob had a terrible life. Never in his wildest dreams would he experience love. But not just any love, the love of a sexy man. Bob made his way downstairs, flipping off Amy in the kitchen and watching Teddy and her third boyfriend of the week do the devils tango on the couch for a few minutes. He left the house and decided to walk to work today. On his way to work he decided to get a box of doughnuts for himself because he’s a fatass. By the time he was down the block he was already done with his box of doughnuts. He licked his fingers sensually and made eye contact with a complete stranger as he did so. Little did he know, this stranger was the love of his life, high class pedophile, J. Ep. Poor Bob continued on his way to his job where his coworker Vern sat and huffed bug chemicals. 

“AYEA BOBBY BOY, MORNINNNNN’!” Vern yelled as Bob slumped over, disappointed at his life choices. Bob signed, while facepalming. 

“The hell am I even doing anymore…” Indeed, B Dunc was a sad, strange little man.

Suddenly, Bob's cell phone began to vibrate in his pocket. Reluctantly, he reached for his phone, picking it up. In a boring, monotone voice…

“Bob Duncan pest control! You find it, we kill it.”

Then there was silence at the end of the line. Bob was beginning to grow tired of all of the bullshit he endured on a daily basis.

“Who the hell is this??”  
A gruff voice at the end of the line replied,

“You don’t know me, but I sure as hell know you, you sexy beast.”

“Hey I don’t have time for these prank calls, pal. I am an entrepreneur and I have a business to run. So if you don’t mind, I’m going to go back to squashing bugs. Peace, Love, and MAGA 2020, bitch.”  
The click of the phone ending made Bob relax, as much as he hated technology he sure loved that noise it made. From the other room Vern called out to Bob:  
“Who was that?” His words were slightly slurred due to years of huffing insect repellent.  
Bob looks over his shoulder to the phone before turning back and with a slight sigh responds to Vern’s intoxicated question.  
“I'm not sure Vern, I'm not sure.” He swiftly drifted across the room to sit in his swivel chair, ‘ What did the mysterious man mean?’ Bob rested his elbow on the arm of his chair if only there was a way to get this man in front of him, his thoughts were cut off by the chiming of the door. He whipped his head around but unfortunately it was just Amy, that she devil from hell walked past the pondering bob and straight to coworker Vern and initiates a hard to watch sickening tongue wrestling match. Bob couldn’t take anymore of this sick twisted mind game that future ex wife Amy played with him. But as he got up to leave Amy turned around and handed him a large stack of divorce papers.  
“You forgot your lunch at home, and I’m taking the kids you can see them on the last weekend of every month.” with that Amy to a big breath and proceeded to slither her tongue down Vern’s throat. Now Bob was officially done with the big dumpster fire that became his life and he turned on his heel and took off out the door. Bob ran with no destination in mind and he just kept running and running until he reached Trestle Bridge. He stood on the edge looking out over the murky water below and he let his mind take over once more. ‘ Who is that stranger from before, is it the man on the phone? Amy is a whore. How to murder coworker and wife?’ Bob stood up, enough was enough. But from behind a confident voice spoke out to him.  
“Son I don’t know what you’re doing but don’t move.” Bob spun around to be faced with sexy stranger from before, He stood there in front of him, white hair glistening in the morning sun, breathe visible in the frozen colorado air.  
“I-I its you!” Bob could barely speak, his voice stolen by the brown twinkling eyes of professional pedophile J. Epstein.  
“You’re the man from before! I can’t seem to get you out of my mind!”  
The man took in Bob’s words and looked down and let out a laugh,  
“I have that effect on people, usually little girls but you’ll do.” J. Epstein looked Bob from top to bottom and back again. One thing was for sure, Bob’s life was never going to be the same.  
“You know Bob, why don’t we go get a coffee, my treat.” It was more of a command which Bob was happy to follow. As they walk down the street Bob unknowingly spilled his life story into a listening Epstein who was waiting to pounce. Bob had been talking about his children Charlie and Toby when sexy man daddy Epstein interupted  
“How old are they?” He rubbed his lightly aged hands together a slight smirk appeared on his face.  
“Charlie is about 4 and Toby is almost 1, why does it matter?” Epstein had gotten a wicked idea, a downright, skin peeling idea.  
“Unfortunately I won’t be able to talk to them anymore. The future ex Mrs.Duncan is taking them from me.” Bob sighed softly as he thought of the only two kids he could stand sorta. His eldest son PJ married Emmet and moved far away from the shipwreck that is the Duncan’s residence. His second oldest his probably hooking up with her 10th guy today by now, and his third favorite moved in with Mrs.Dabney; his new girlfriend. Epstein waited patiently for Bob to end his talk of the older children, they were of no interest to him. As he listened to Bob talk he realised that he didn’t care about any of Bob’s kids, the ones that were interesting were still too young to be of use but he did care about Bob. It was so odd how you meet someone and immediately fall in love, it was like time stopped that moment they locked eyes on that sidewalk. One thing was for sure, Amy had to “kill herself”. No one needed to die but Amy was not no one, Amy was a threat to his and Bob’s relationship and he’d be damned if he allowed a blonde nurse notorious for sleeping with patients ruin his chance with sexy Bob D. The two continued on down the long stretch of ashy pavement towards the Sweet Life, half coffee half strip club.


End file.
